The funny thing about life is how often we have a chance to relearn things. This week, I am relearning the important lesson about accepting the dynamic quality of life, people & relationships. Despite all the pinky-promises, friendship bracelets and long conversations- sometimes you just have to accept the way that things are and let go.
My best friend since birth and pseudo-sister is getting married in 9 days and I am not invited to or included in the wedding.
I was easily able to accept not being invited because they chose to have an immediate family only wedding at an out-of-state venue. I struggled with the way she told me about their plans. Shortly after their engagement, I called to chit-chat about weddings and listen to her dreams... because instead of just coming out and telling me that she had already decided, she beat around the bush using words such as "we're thinking of having only immediate family" and "considering doing it soon" to describe what she was imagining for their celebration. This happened twice before she mentioned that they were going to look at the venue and chose a date to have their wedding. The wind was knocked out of me, but I tried my best to be happy for her and allow her to enjoy the planning. My efforts to get together to chat or look at wedding things or whatever were not accepted and I just let it go, figuring she is busy and enjoying this event with her mom and fiance.
The proverbial straw dropped while our mutual best friend came home. I was sad after they got together for dinner and went out for drinks without even considering to invite me. I was devastated when I found out that our mutual friend and her fiance were invited to the wedding, along with only the parents and siblings (and their respective families) of the bride/groom.
The line had to be drawn somewhere and I was the line.
Here I am rationalizing that this friend is a best friend of the bride and cousin of the groom, so that makes it ok. But really, I'm crushed that someone I had called my best friend and sister for all of these years drew the line at me. And I was on the outside.
So after all of the heartache and drama, I'm rethinking everything over the past 5 years and realizing that we really haven't been close and despite what I thought were good efforts to keep our friendship alive, it has been dead for a long time and I was too optimistic and hopeful to see the truth. I'm no longer rationalizing what she may have been thinking or speculating about her motivations. I'm seeing things without my proverbial pink veil and realizing that we haven't been best friends in a long time and that was a choice she made a long time ago when we stopped talking for a variety of reasons. Friends were split, (Team Jessica and Team Alyssa), silence was upheld. We eventually moved out of that phase but never addressed the issues and I think that she never actually let go of the mitigating factors. I just figured it was like the other times we had grown apart and then reconnected. But this time, we have just grown apart.
My best friend since birth and pseudo-sister is getting married in 9 days and I am not invited to or included in the wedding.
I was easily able to accept not being invited because they chose to have an immediate family only wedding at an out-of-state venue. I struggled with the way she told me about their plans. Shortly after their engagement, I called to chit-chat about weddings and listen to her dreams... because instead of just coming out and telling me that she had already decided, she beat around the bush using words such as "we're thinking of having only immediate family" and "considering doing it soon" to describe what she was imagining for their celebration. This happened twice before she mentioned that they were going to look at the venue and chose a date to have their wedding. The wind was knocked out of me, but I tried my best to be happy for her and allow her to enjoy the planning. My efforts to get together to chat or look at wedding things or whatever were not accepted and I just let it go, figuring she is busy and enjoying this event with her mom and fiance.
The proverbial straw dropped while our mutual best friend came home. I was sad after they got together for dinner and went out for drinks without even considering to invite me. I was devastated when I found out that our mutual friend and her fiance were invited to the wedding, along with only the parents and siblings (and their respective families) of the bride/groom.
The line had to be drawn somewhere and I was the line.
Here I am rationalizing that this friend is a best friend of the bride and cousin of the groom, so that makes it ok. But really, I'm crushed that someone I had called my best friend and sister for all of these years drew the line at me. And I was on the outside.
So after all of the heartache and drama, I'm rethinking everything over the past 5 years and realizing that we really haven't been close and despite what I thought were good efforts to keep our friendship alive, it has been dead for a long time and I was too optimistic and hopeful to see the truth. I'm no longer rationalizing what she may have been thinking or speculating about her motivations. I'm seeing things without my proverbial pink veil and realizing that we haven't been best friends in a long time and that was a choice she made a long time ago when we stopped talking for a variety of reasons. Friends were split, (Team Jessica and Team Alyssa), silence was upheld. We eventually moved out of that phase but never addressed the issues and I think that she never actually let go of the mitigating factors. I just figured it was like the other times we had grown apart and then reconnected. But this time, we have just grown apart.
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